I read that letter and it resonated within me in such a way I was just speechless.
I could have written that letter to my mom.
To read it was healing for me. I only wish my mom could've read it. It would have been healing for her too.
Grab a Kleenex....you can read the letter right here
My mom struggled the entire 65 years of her life with her weight. She never felt pretty, she never liked how she looked. She hated shopping for clothes.
My mom had wonderful willpower when it came to a diet. She was able to deny, deny, deny....just long enough to get to a weight she wanted to be. I remember her doing that for my wedding. She dieted for months to lose weight for my special day...
Isn't she beautiful??
My mom was beautiful. She was the life of the party and lit up rooms when she entered it. She had an energy that was contagious. People liked being with my mom.
But, she lived in a silent pain. She didn't love herself. She believed the lie that her significance, worth and beauty was based on her size. Believing that, she believed she had no significance, no worth and no beauty.
That is so far from truth. My mom was a wonderful mom. She loved her 5 children. She loved us a lot. Mom wasn't perfect...no mom is, but she loved us.
My mom died in 2001 from a resurgence of breast cancer that she had battled 10 years earlier.
I remember standing at her memorial, nodding my head in agreement to all those who would fondly tell me what mom meant to them. There was a recurring theme throughout that day....
....my mom was remembered for her love, her joy, her "lighting up the room" she was in.
Not. one. person. mentioned my mom's size.... not. one. Nor has anyone EVER in the 12 years she's been gone...
Now, I realize, no one in their right mind is going to talk about someone's size at their funeral...but what occurred to me that day was just what my mom was remembered for...what was right there blaring at me....her personality won....her personality was what people talked about, what people still talk about when I see her friends.
Fast forward to today....
I lived with that silent pain myself. My mom always told me I was going to be fat..."just like her"....and like my mom, I also believed to be fat meant to be worthless, ugly...horrible.
Mom wasn't being mean, in fact, just the opposite, my mom was trying to protect me from the pain she lived with all her life.
I've counted calories, denied myself, tried new fad diets....all in the attempts to reconciling how I felt with how I looked. I wanted to "feel" good about myself, and I too, believed the lie that I would "feel" good about myself when I was "thinner"...
But, I know better, now.
God taught me much in and through the death of my mom. I'm sad for my mom that she struggled so much with her weight. I am sad that so much of her time was spent worrying about her body size and how she could shrink it...time that would have been better spent seizing the life she had.
...and God showed me that much of my time, I was doing the same...
It was a wake up call...a wake up call for me to seize the precious moments I have. To live them fully and completely. To make the changes I wanted to make in the midst of living life to the fullest.
I still struggle, I still stumble and some days I just feel like giving in to the lies, believing that my worth, significance and beauty is bound up in the size of my waist....but God desires so much more than that for me, and I trust Him...and most of all, I know He loves me..
just. as. I. am...
I am His daughter and He loves me. I am His creation, and in me is His perfection.
What on earth could be more significant than that?
I am often told that I am "just like my mom"
I absolutely used to shutter when I heard that...
Now....I smile....
....and continue to "light up" the rooms I enter, bringing my mom's joy, love and laughter to those around me.
Thanks, mom!
Love you :)
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